People That Sleep With Dead People

I have a few things to vent about, hope noone minds.

I always see weird searches that people typed in. But today among the typical list of searches such as “hot chani”, “lubavitch off the derech”, and “brad pitt depression” (can’t believe that article is  still being read), was one that read “people that sleep with dead people”. Now what exactly have I written that even remotely relates to that morbid topic??

Ever go out with friends drinking, shopping, eating to the movies or whatever else you may be doing, and you’re short on cash? You’ll borrow say $2 for a can of soda, and promise to pay back. Either he’ll say nah bro don’t worry about it, or he’ll let you pay back. But what I don’t understand are the friends who, upon lending you a couple bucks, will ask you to buy them a drink as payment when out drinking next time. Take the following scenario:

You: Hey dude, you got an extra 2 bucks on you? I gotta buy a drink or I’m gonna fuckin faint!

Friend: Sure dude, here ya go!

You: Aaight thanks man, I’lll hit you up next time.

Friend: It’s cool bro

The next night:

You: Hey dude, wanna go out to that club tonight with some chics? Heard it’s gonna be sickkk.

Friend: Sure lets go!

At the club:

You (screaming over loud thumpy music): Yoo lets go get wasssted!!

Friend (screaming equally loud, trying to be heard over loud, thumpy music): Yea dude lets go!

You (to hot chic behind the bar): Heyy can I get a vodka with 3 limes?

Friend ( to bartender): Hey I’ll have one of those too

Bartender: Sure, that’ll be 11 dollars each.

Friend to you: Hey bro I got you the other day, so you got my drink aaight?

Why does a friend spotting you a measly $2 give him the right to assume I’m gonna pay $11 for his overpriced drink the next night, as if buying him a drink is an acceptable method of paying back any loan, no matter how small in comparison to the drink.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m no cheapskate (yea I know I’m Jewish) and would gladly buy the my friend a drink if he’s a bit tight on cash, he’s my friend after all! But it’s the idea that people assume that I’d be buying them a drink as payment. Why can’t I just take out my wallet like a normal person and hand him over the 2 bucks?

About hookers: Ever wonder how they fucked their first client? I don’t mean positions, just…how? How’d they go from being a normal person to a hooker?? But I guess like the song from Lazy Boy TV goes: “It takes alot of drunk daddies to get a girl to blow a goat on the internet”.

Lastly and most disturbingly, anyone wonder how the hell their grandparents are able to have sex? I mean she’s all old and wrinkly! And she’s my grandma! I’m usually not this sick, just this image made me wonder…