The Difference Between Guys and Girls

Posted: July 5, 2010 in Random
Tags: , , ,

Random thing I found somewhere. Different than my usual stuff but random enough. Happy reading!

A guy named Ron is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts and they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither of them is seeing anyone else.

And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine. Without really thinking, she says it aloud, “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”

And then there is silence in the car.

To Elaine it seemed like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself,”Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.

And Ron is thinking, “Gosh. Six months.”

Then Elaine is thinking, “But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward. I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?”

And Ron is thinking, “So that means it was…let’s see…February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer, which means…lemme check the odometer. Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.”

Elaine is thinking, “He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment — maybe he has sensed – even before I sensed it – that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.”

And Roger is thinking, And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they’d better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves six hundred dollars.”

And Elaine is thinking, “He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry, too. I feel so guilty putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.”

And Ron is thinking, “They’ll probably say it’s only a ninety-day warranty. Scumbags.”

And Elaine is thinking, “Maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right here next to a perfectly good person, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.”

And Ron is thinking, “Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a warranty. I’ll take their warranty and stick it right up their…”

“Ron,” Elaine says aloud.

“What?” says Ron, startled.

“Please don’t torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. “Maybe I never should have. Oh God, I feel so.” (She breaks down, sobbing.)

“What?” says Ron.

“I’m such a fool,” Elaine sobs. “I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”

“There’s no horse?” says Ron.

“You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Elaine says.

“No!” says Ron, glad to finally know the correct answer.

“It’s just that…it’s that I. I need some time,” Elaine says.

(There is a fifteen-second pause while Ron, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

“Yes,” he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) “Oh, Ron, do you really feel that way?” she says.

“What way?” says Ron.

“That way about time,” says Elaine.

“Oh,” says Ron. “Yes.”

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

“Thank you, Ron,” she says.

“Thank you,” says Ron.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed — a conflicted, tortured soul — and weeps until dawn.

Ron gets back to his place, opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it’s better if he just doesn’t think about it.

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, every expression, every gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.

Meanwhile, Ron, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine’s, will pause just before serving, frown and say, “Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?”

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is the difference between men and women.

  1. shessavvy says:

    LOL! Great post! I’ve also discovered that men and women think and communicate very differently. I’ve gotten to the point, I try to stop overanalyzing what they say and take it for face value. If a man feels a certain way, eventually he’ll let you know in a way that you’ll understand.

  2. A. Nuran says:

    When I was a tween my mother said “Girls are three years more mature than boys the same age.” I asked when the boys catch up. She said “Never”.

    • boys may be more immature but for some reason so many girls say all their friends are guys cuz guys know how to have a good time w no hangups. not a all across the board rule, but there’s something to that as wee.

  3. Ichabod Chrain says:

    The story is from Dave Barry’s Book of Guys.

  4. oh please, the difference between boys and girls is that one has a penis and one has a vagina + breasts, everything else is just a social construction. My whole life I’ve been told I act like a man because I’m competitive, I have a dirty sense of humor, I have no interest in shoes, etc. I’m not a freakin man, I’m a WOMAN, and stereotyping gender’s this way does no one any good.

    • It’s stereotyping guys as much as girls. Most guys aren’t that clueless or emotionless as the article makes them out to be. I know I’m not. But it’s just the other side of the coin.

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