Touched By a Rabbi

Posted: July 13, 2010 in Religion, Sex
Tags: , , , , , , ,

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A WORK OF COMPLETE FICTION. NONE OF THIS HAS ANY CONNECTION TO MY LIFE IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM.

*Please do not repost without permission. Email me 1kissmeimshomer@gmail.com

Reb Yerucham sighed and closed his Gemara.

It was going to be an exhilarating night. Someone special was dropping by for a visit. Sarah was away on a business trip. She would never know.

It’d been way too long since he had been turned on by her. They’d been married for 23 years already and she just didn’t take care of herself anymore.

Truth is, she never had. She always was so religious. Teaching in Bais Yaakov is no job for a prutzah. She emulated kol kevuda d’bas melech penimah well-what with her neckline covered even when doing laundry, skirt 3 inches above her ankle. No more, no less.

And her loose clothes black, always black. Like a hanging table cloth. So gloomy. And waxing- she had visited the salon once, on her wedding day. With so many children, she had no time. Besides she didn’t believe in those things, calling them vain and not Torah’dik.

His thoughts turned back to his guest. He adjusted his black wool pants.

They’ll make small talk as he’ll prepare the drinks. Tea, always tea.  Afterward they’ll head up to his bedroom Where  he will rip those clothes off his guest. Rip them off with an excitement that can only come from having been deprived.

Fuck! He was so deprived of all things sexual.  She hardly ever agreed to have sex. Between taking care of the kids, finishing Tehillim and baking for the Nshei’s chessed group she was usually so exhausted she would collapse into bed and fall asleep.

Half the time she was a Niddah so sex was  out of the question. He used the more modern Jewish magazine, the one with the pictures of ladies in it – to take care of business.

Even when she finally did agree to have sex it was quick and uninterested. Not to mention dark. Always lights off.  She said she liked keeping her mind clean. Something about keeping impure thoughts out and focusing on D’varim Sh’bikdusha.

What had it been, six years since his wife really did it for him? And they said women faked orgasms! If only they knew about Lakewood Rebbeim.

He’d begin by a slow but firm massage.

He couldn’t help but smile as he thought of the smooth legs. No feeling was as great as caressing those thin, smooth legs. Such contrast to his over-weight wife. The feeling that will engulf him as he’ll run his hands over the smoothness. Starting up from the ankles. Circling his way up while passionately kissing every soft inch.

Always passionate. He’ll explore every bit of that very very smooth body. Deeply inhaling the fresh scent one only smells like after taking a fresh long shower. He’ll shake with excitement as the sexual tension builds up. Beads of  sweat gathered on his forehead just at the thought.

He shuddered with anticipation.

All clothes off, things will really heat up. He thought of his back, arms and legs getting massaged. Rubbed, licked and softly bitten. Moving from his legs his further up . Up and down, up and down over and over again until it’d finally be over-

-his thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door.

His guest was here.

Finally.

He opened the door.

He looked out, smiled and warmly greeted his 6th grade student with a hearty—

—“Hello Jack.”

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Comments
  1. Anonymous says:

    vile

  2. kisarita says:

    vile, but well constructed, saving the shocker for the end.

    However, I suggest that the description of the wife is out of place…
    It seems to give the impression that pedophile’s wives are to blame for their behavior for not being attractive enough. This is incorrect and unfair.

    Pedophilia is a severe disturbance, and it has no corelation to the attractiveness of the person’s adult partner.

    I also believe it is only a minor factor amongst rabbis who stray with adult partners, some of these rabbis may have very attractive wives- but that’s a separate issue.

    • regarding the looks of the wife you’ve certainly got a point- I was trying to bring out two separate issues both of the looks of some women and that of those (few) rabbis with issues, but perhaps they can’t be mixed.

  3. Ichabod Chrain says:

    I agree with Kisarita. The ending is wrong. The Rabbi is oriented toward attractive women. So the last part should be something about the rabbi going to the computer and looking wistfully and maybe guiitily at the non- tzinius sites showing the activities he feels he’s missing out on.

  4. Ichabod Chrain says:

    Just wanted to add one more thing.
    The situation is more complex than you make it out to be. For example, what are the wife’s feelings about this? Is she the type who sees sex as an obligation because she was turned off to it through her indoctrination at Bais Yaakov? Or is there a ball of fire lurking under the frumness?
    Maybe she finds her husband’s methods to be ineffective, but would like nothing more than a good romp through the headboards, so to speak, but keeps quiet about what she wants because she’s worried she’ll freak out her pious husband, who actually wouldn’t be freaked out by the activities, but would be freaked out by the idea of a frisky rebbetzin.

    • as i said u guys do have a point in that his wife being unattractive has nothing to do with the fact that he’s a pedophile. I was just trying to bring out two seperate problems.
      @ichabod as far as ur last comment…”Maybe she finds her husband’s methods to be ineffective, but would like nothing more than a good romp through the headboards, so to speak, but keeps quiet about what she wants because she’s worried she’ll freak out her pious husband, who actually wouldn’t be freaked out by the activities, but would be freaked out by the idea of a frisky rebbetzin.”

      doesnt something about that wierd thought process creep u out? isnt that a GLARING red flag?

      And as far as being turned off by her bais yaakov ed….also- big red flag and two thumbs down for the bais yaakov cult

  5. Mahla says:

    “Maybe she finds her husband’s methods to be ineffective, but would like nothing more than a good romp through the headboards, so to speak ….” The O. Henry ending might also indicate exactly ~why~ she finds her husband’s methods “ineffective” too.

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