Gritty Details Inside – My First Day. At Work

Posted: August 17, 2010 in Brainwashing, Religion
Tags: , , , , , , ,

K so here I am. First day at my new job. And no it wasn’t that post I wrote about my boss. Glad to be done there.

8 am.

Gotta wear my goddam yarmulka- owner is my dads student – thinks I’m religious- really annoying.  I walk in the quiet frum guy walks up to me. Points me over to my new desk and tells me Jonathan – the guy showing me around will be in soon. I wait. Get the code to unlock the computer. Surf the web. Check out the history. No porn. So far so ….good? Definitely a huge Frum Satire fan. Then some rebels something or other jackets. Seems like my predecessor was either some type of Hells Angels dude or he just likes those type of clothes. I’ll find out when he gets here.

8:40 am.

Woman walks in. Not sure of she’s religous or not. She certainly thinks I am. She doesn’t offer her hand. This is just too awkward. Fuck it- ill just offer my hand. This is so silly. When’s the last time I thought about shaking a girls hand?! Wtf.

So the guys was supposed to be hear by 9. I’m still waiting. No sweat. Another dude who looks like life passed him by- he’s only 35-40 walks in. I’d say names Kalman or something. Probably has a fat wife with 3 kids under age 5. This is gonna be interesting. Hopefully ill get my headshots b4 october so I can start auditioning and balance out all this intense religion that just burst onto the SCENE I call life. Its really hot in here. Not sure if its the sun shining on me or the fact that the AC is set wrong. Fuck. I’m tired- I just got back from AC last nite. I’m also hungry- I didn’t eat anything yet.

9:30 am.

Jonathan’s here. Not goth. At all. Ok good. Maybe I’m too judgmental. Its in my blood. Anyway he has to go to Brooklyn for business stuff. I go along. Religion comes up in conversation. Says something about being himself and hugging the girls in the office just because its funny to see everyone’s reaction. I definitely hear that one!

Then- No, I’m not religious. Yes I know I’m wearing a kippa.

Lifes a bitch. Shudda just walked in without it. Or maybe not.

We see a guy on the platform. I immediately try to guess his life story- which yeshiva, where he lives, shomer or not religous level etc. Like I said I’m a judgmental bastard. Yeshiva education- what can I do. And, no my Rabbi didn’t touch me. Surprising, I know. Guess I wasn’t good enough for him.

Then here comes the weird part. I tell Jonathan that I have a blog called Kissmeimshomer, because he mentioned something about Frum Satire. He tell me he has a friend, lets call her Rachel (shout out!). This friend is an avid Frum Satire reader. He says he must call her because she must know who I am. OK.

He calls her. Tells her he’s hanging out with me. She said something like “How’d you manage that??!” (put in high pitched scream here- nah I kid, she wasn’t that excited. I’m defintely blowing this up.) She said she wouldnt know what to say to me, well neither would I. Know what to say to her, that is. So we spoke. I must say it  was a weird feeling to have a complete stranger kind of recognize me. I like. I think I am gonna pursue this acting thing after all. ( which, BTW I am already doing. Great coach- email me for his info.)


We get back to the office. Shit- looks like there’s a MINCHA MINYAN at 2. Damn. Gotta go fake davening- just like everyone else in the room…. and move on. Jonathan shows me gum. Ok…I’ll have one…?  Oh he was trying to say he eats not kosher gum. I hadn’t realized it was the brand he was showing me, not the gum. My bad. He’s a great guy, very modern orthodox but very purposeful about it. If it were possible to convince him that being a hardcore chassid was the truth he’d do it no matter how hard it is. None of that I don’t give a shit thing we  ex faker yeshivish ppl have in us. But no worries- it isn’t possible. And not cuz being chassidish isn’t the truth, although that certanly is a true statement, but because- well you gotta know Jonathan.


Oh ya then there’s the kosher food cooked by the local rabbis wife. Ya sounds like I work in Massapequa. wherever that is. But one never knows, even NYC can have a local  rabbi. Whose wife makes a mean Schnitzel.

Some woman who reminds me of the woman our yeshiva used to employ mentions that its good I’m getting told all the important stuff. Ok…but it is good to know where to get Kosher, well if you kinda gotta keep up the image of a semi nice Jewish boy.

Which I’m not. Nice, that is.


About to leave. Boss calls me over we chat for a while. Nice guy seems to know what he’s doing. We go outside and he shows me around . Not bad. There’s certainly room to move in this company and it could be kinda cool. Time will tell.

  1. sure, each post starts in hebrew, followed by english.

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