Letter From A Bais Yaakov Girl

Posted: August 31, 2010 in Life Musings, Religion
Tags: , , ,

Here’s an interesting email I received from a 12th grade Bais Yaakov girl. Though I think she would refer to herself as a 12th grade girl in Bais Yaakov. I’ll include my response at the bottom. Thought she had an interesting point.

I’m really not the type of girl that comments on blogs. I barely even read them. I’m way too non-confrontational. Okay, thats a lie. But I dislike unnecessary controversy.
I’m making an exception here because I had something important I wanted to say.
I understand where and what you may be coming from. Of course I do.
And I see the satire in all that you write.
I’m sure if we were hanging out I’d be laughing hysterically.
But sometimes I feel like bloggers in general, and specifically frum or frum-esque bloggers, dont seem to realize the stark dichotomy between what THEY may be writing and what is in reality being read by their readers.
You may or may not be a bitter, angry, sexually-repressed Yeshivish rape victim.
But that is sure what you sound like.
Of course you are going to get offended at comments like these, because maybe you feel a little misunderstood.
I get that you’re funny, and I also get why people may be offended.
Sometimes I feel like there are bloggers posting exaggerated ”frum-world dirty laundry” under the guise of satire and I only wish that you all would learn the subtlety to enhance the tone of your messages before they are made public.
That being said, I did recognize and enjoy some aspects of this article, and I do wish you all the best.”

My response:

“Interesting thought and probably the most intelligent comment I’ve gotten yet. And yea I’m aware what I mean doesn’t always come out right. The blog is more of an outlet, a creative platform in some sort of interesting way. So it’s more for me than for readers .

Lemme give u an example. This is something I wrote in a public place. I’m sure it will be perceived as either cheesy or stuck up, but truth is it was a way for me to release a tremendous feeling I had pent up of excitement for the future of my dreams. Writing doesn’t always do the same thing for the write as it does the reader.
“lemme get out there, get the ball rolling and I swear I’m gonna shatter barriers, smash resistance and skeptics, simply redefine and reshape brilliance…in short, all hell will break loose in a very glorious way.”

So…you have a great point and it actually would be a great post. With your permission, and of course anonymously if you’d like, I want to reprint the email in my next post. Maybe I can open the pandoras box of people who feel as you do…”

She added:

“But the fact is. Religious or not, you have some responsibility, insofar as not debasing the reputation of religious people…and in the process either 1)turning off people who have just gotten on 2)providing a forum for those who seek, purposefully, to hurt the frum community.
Look, I totally get the need to express deal…I’m in a BAIS YAAKOV.
I just think there should be ways to do that with minimal damage.”

So here it is. What do YOU think? Should bloggers say what’s on their mind, or be more sensitive?

  1. YR says:

    First off, I can’t help but notice that she has a writing style similar to yours – that is to say, crappy. I’m not judging here, – really, I don’t think less of either of you – I’m just flexing my constructive criticism muscles here. Do yourselves a favor and take a writing course or two at a real college with a decent professor. Also, read BOOKS, lots of them. Blog posts and FB posts don’t count.

    She’s right, you know – you come across as caustic and belligerent. Saying that you’re not angry doesn’t mean that you aren’t angry. She’s also correct in writing that you’re one funny son-of-a-gun.

    Ah, authoritarian parents. God bless them.

    OTD, potentially-OTD, or just-plain-fed-up-with-yeshivish-crap souls should really give Modern Orthodoxy a chance. There’s a lot less dogma than you imagine, and they don’t shove it down your throats in nearly the same way haredim do.

  2. YR says:

    As for your final question: say whatever the hell you want to say. What gives other people the right to control what you do, say, or write? People who come from strict homes and schools really need to learn about the value of live and let live. Free speech and Libertarianism forever!

  3. sbirny says:

    What I don’t quite get is, why people should be afraid to express themselves because they may turn people off. People have a right to express themselves in any-which-way they want. Besides, anyone who gets “turned off” from any of these sites, obviously wasn’t “turned on” from the start.

    Also, I’m not sure what’s up with the term: “frum-world, dirty laundry.” If the laundry was generally clean, then fine. Maybe. But when a society/culture reaches a point where it has so much “dirt” in it, it doesn’t “have dirty laundry.” It “is dirty laundry.” If you get what I mean.

    If someone wakes up one day (for a myriad of different possible reasons) and says, “Hey, the society which I’ve been raised in sucks (for whatever reasons), and reeks like dirty laundry. And I suffered/am suffering because of it.” Obviously, there is going to be a lot of hurt and angry feelings. An example. If some girl is raped, wouldn’t she want to publicize it. Isn’t it the same to people who feel they were “raped” by a particular society. These are the feelings that fuse the many blogs that post and publicize all the “dirty laundry.” – I think.

    O.K. I think I’ve said enough. As y’all can see I’m pro these blogs. Thank you to all the writers for the many laughs I get!

  4. YR says:


    What “creative grammar” are you referring to, specifically? I’m not saying that I don’t make mistakes, just that I make a concerted effort to avoid them. Do you actually think that you’re a strong writer? Please don’t force me to point out all your errors.

    I’m actually glad to see that there are a few critical thinkers who have survived the system. Congratulations. Hooray for sexually repressed, formerly Yeshivish people!

    • BYG says:

      This goes back to my original point of blog wars being ineffective and emotionally driven.
      Whatever emotional buttons I pushed with my letter, I apologize.
      But your opinion on my writing capacity is completely irrelevant both to this discussion and, actually, my life in general.

      In regards to your grasp on actual facts and the vague reality based on personal experience and warped resentments that you have projected onto a girl you don’t know, I can only say:
      1) I am not Yeshivish, never was Yeshivish, and don’t plan on marrying into that world. Neither has any member of my immediate family.
      2)I am not repressed, sexually or otherwise.

      However, I appreciate your good wishes.


      • sbirny says:

        I think that’s the problem. If you’ve never been “yeshivish” or had something to do with it on a personal level (i.e. your immediate family was), then I believe it may not be possible to fully grasp the concept. Like the way black people will tell you that you’ll never understand the ghetto. Because you probably won’t. It’s not that your stupid -which you’re obviously not- or anything of the sort. You have to truly experience the emotions in order to understand them…

        Make sense?

      • tesyaa says:

        How does a girl with no ties to the yeshivish world end up in a bais yaakov? There are plenty of girls’ schools that are more modern.

  5. Melanie says:

    I think say what’s on your mind. Your blog, your opinions. If people find them offensive, they can write their own blogs in rebuttal or simply not read them. I don’t see that you have a responsibility to make any community look good. Free expression is a bastion of a free society and freedom in general.

  6. BYG says:

    Hey sbirny,
    I stand corrected. I asked my brother, apparently we are Yeshivish. I didnt knoooow, I though chassidish and Yeshivish were mutually exclusive, but I guess they overlap heavily in all areas, besides for avodas Hash-m, and I strongly doubt that makes a difference in regards to our little discussion here.
    -The Little Yeshivish Chasid Who Could

  7. CityGirl says:

    “stark dichotomy” Really? And you really think she’s a 12th Grade Bais Yaakov girl. Trust me, I was one of the smarter ones in my crappy little BY, and NO ONE there would have used words like that. Either she’s lying, or…

    No way in hell.

    And you don’t sound like a rape victim.

    Bloggers gonna blog.

    • sbirny says:

      agreed. agreed. plus when was the last time a BY girl couldn’t differentiate between “chasidish” and “yeshivish” w/o a brothers help? fofl.

      • BYG says:

        Plus also, I never needed to learn this labeling shtick.

      • sbirny says:

        [Insert After Following Comment] What? You mean the difference between the “chasidish”, that that have big curly payos, dress completely differently, and have an absolutely completely different life ideology than the “yeshivish” is just a “labeling shtick”. Ok. You may be in a BY, and maybe a ‘BYG’, but your definitely not the typical BY girl associated with the label. (Don’t worry – probably a positive thing. You don’t have to deal with many of the typical problems, many typical BYG/YB’s may have.) Hence, my previous comments… Agree?

    • BYG says:

      Sweetheart, I’m flattered.
      But I’m as Bais Yakov as they come.
      Thank G-d for brilliant parents, though.

      • BYG says:

        Hey sbirny,
        And I think thats as good an explanation as you are going to get.
        Sure, my brothers dont look like my friends brothers…but we all have the same goal, the same ‘restrictions’, like I said, the only difference is in Avodas Hash-m.

    • @city girl
      i dont sound like a rape victim…lol yea her usage was a bit extreme on that end…thx for the boost of confidence lol!

  8. CityGirl says:

    @KissMe, no problem! But I think BYG THINKS she’s a BYG, and she may even go to a BY, but anyone who is fully immersed in that world, (even with the best parents possible) would know the different labels. Also, having to ASK your family if you’re yeshivish? Umm, really?

    That being said, in case you really are legit, don’t want to keep you from posting.

  9. bob says:

    i agree 100% with byg’s letter. its why i dont take anything kissme says seriously. sorry dude…

  10. i dont ask to be taken seriously. I’m writing to write. You may be one of those people who assume that all people who were once religious are bitter angry depressed and love to rant. I’m noot. I like life. That’s all. And I don’t see the frum way as being normal. I dont feel the need to seek readers approval, not “hurt” the frum community. Happy reading.

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