I Shouldn’t Have Read eHow

Posted: January 24, 2011 in Random

I came across an article on eHow titled How to Spot a Traitor. Clearly some paranoid old hermit must’ve written this, because it just isn’t something you or I think about.

Here’s the body of the article:

Closely observe the people around you. Pay attention to anyone acting differently than normal. Watch if anyone ingratiated himself into a new social circle and how he is being received. By paying close attention, catch a traitor’s behavior as it changes drastically.

Ask people you know you can trust if they suspect anyone. Bring it up casually in conversation. Make a mental note of who is suggested by others. Seek out confirmation of your suspicion.

Eavesdrop on conversations. Hide in the bathroom to hear what people say. Make notes of incriminating things you hear and go over them later. Observe who’s forging close ties with one another.

Plant rumors with people you suspect. Make the rumor something distinct that you only tell one person. Rumor repeated? That’s the traitor; it’s the one you told and know can’t be trusted. The person may not ultimately be the traitor, it narrows down who you should watch.

I had to take a second glance to make sure I was reading right. I mean, sure, the first paragraph about watching the people around you makes sense. We all try not to be duped, and it’d be painful if not a bit comedic if you got owned by your best friend or your mom. But there’s the part where it says “Ask people you know you can trust if they suspect anyone”. Is it just me or did I miss something here?

Or how about “Plant rumors with people you suspect.” REALLY!? I should PLANT RUMORS?? Sounds like you should seek a therapist,  buddy.

What about the part where you wait for the bad guys to talk about you – “Hide in the bathroom to hear what people say.”

WHAT THE–

But then again, it seems there are also articles about flicking boogers, how to get a free monkey, and “Business Etiquette in Columbia.”

Funny cuz I’d always thought Business etiquette in South America ended at ensuring you own the bigger gun.

...exactly my point

 

There’s even one  called “How to make Orthodox Judaism a part of your life.”

My advice? Don’t.

Bad idea.

Gitty Grunwald.

Just ask Gitty Grunwald.

And then there’s the one about how to be random. That left me scatching my head. I thought being random was just something you are, or something you just aren’t.

But apparently I’m wrong. Besides, it tells you to wear strange clothing, which in my opinion just makes you a freak, not random, and then it tells you to get up in class and announced you’re going to play ping pong, and “Encourage others to join you to make them feel random too.” How does that fit in to the let-me-pretend-to-be-Lady-Gaga-and-wear-a-dead-cow-today theme? Should others wear dead cows and kermit costumes as well?

chic's got some SERIOUS issues...

...!

sorry wrong image.

 

better now?

Then it signs off with- “Make a quirky piece of apparel your signature.” Wait. So you mean to tell me, if I wear strange stuff every day that makes me random? I’d say it makes you consistently strange, but whatever. I guess I’m just not meant to be reading eHow at work anyway.

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Comments
  1. Boxed Whine says:

    E-How and Associated Content are full of idiots. For every good article, there are 10 off the wall ones. I think that E-How is the worst of the 2.

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