How to Read an Ad on Craigslist

Posted: July 3, 2011 in Life Musings
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Actual, typical Craigslist ad for servers. I had some thoughts as I was reading it.

New Gastropub in NYC is holding open call interviews for Bartenders and Wait staff. With a 100 seat restaurant and 70 seat sidewalk cafe, we will be opening in mid July so candidates will need to be available to start training on Monday 11th July. We are looking for full time staff that are professional and have a genuine passion for the food and service industry. We are not interested in tip chasers. (Well why the fuck do you think people work as servers?) We will have a large selection of both draft and bottled beer. An eclectic wine and cocktail menu along with excellent gastropub style food. (eclectic wine list with excellent pubgrub, eh? I just chuckled. *Fart*)

Please Please Please only apply for these positions if you have the following list of skills and characteristics;
You will be waisting (you did NOT misspell wasting) your time and our if you don’t meet the criteria and be able to talk in depth about; 

Minimum 3 years high volume, fine dining experience required. This is not a suggestion, we need staff that already have had basic training (fair enough, you want trained staff)
Experience with craft and cask style beers
A good knowledge of wines
Experience making hand crafted cocktails without having to consult a bartenders guide or cocktail menu (Bartenders). (again, fair enough)
Excellent pour techniques, be quick and efficient behind the bar (Bartenders).
Ability to work in a high volume, high pressure environment while keeping your cool and having a smile on your face.
Have a genuine interest in food and gastronomy, be able to talk about food and sell to the customer. (Be a normal human being who can sell a burger.)
Must have a food handlers certificate from NYC Dept of Health, or be willing to get one. (whuthefuck?!)
Must be available for all shifts, lunch, brunch, dinner, late night. 
Must be willing to put our scheduling needs first and be committed to the job. (unless you’re looking for 60 year old Italian dudes to serve at your fine dining gastropub, whatever the hell that is, you’re not going to get people who will put your schedule first. Oh, they’ll tell you they will, but when it comes down to making that audition, making that class, or whatever else they deem important to their existence, they will quit if need be. There are a million and one other “fine dining gastropubs” in NYC. They’re here because they need money while pursuing a job that can make them make you serve them when they come to the joint, not because they have no life.)

This is a new establishment in a vibrant and exciting neighborhood. We are looking for fun energetic people with a genuine passion for the industry. (what server has a genuine passion for the industry?? I’ve met one, he’s a 19 year old asshole who is going to be opening up his own restaurant soon. His family is in the business and he’s saving up money this way. But he doesn’t have a passion to wait tables. He’s still the same miserable grump the rest of the servers are!) We what to build a team that will add to the overall experience for our new customers. Show in person at 419 Myrtle Ave between 2pm & 4pm on Tues 5th & Thurs 7th Bring an up to date copy of your resume. (Hmm…I think I’ll apply.)

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Comments
  1. BoxedWhine says:

    Shomer! I love it! I may just swipe this idea from you!
    It’s sad that these people think that they are so special.
    There are thousands of restaurants in NYC,

  2. Yoyo says:

    Awesome post.

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