Posts Tagged ‘blogging’

When I first started this blog, I simply was looking for a way to express myself, perhaps find a few readers or cause a laugh now and again. As time went on it became important to me to convey my feelings as I underwent a transformation from a religious teen, to a rationally thinking young adult. It was at that point, perhaps after I wrote the post Get With the Program in the summer of 2010, that I began to feel a need to explain my viewpoint. At that point I’d gone from someone confused about what means something to them, to someone who knows what doesn’t and what does. In any argument, the idea is always to convince others of your viewpoint, not to prove them wrong.

We don’t care about his viewpoint, only that he care about ours. I noticed at some point that whenever I spoke to someone religious about religion, unlike that of a typical argument, I’d walk away frustrated. I felt that I was talking to someone, who instead of believing he was right but respecting that I believed in my argument as strongly as he believed in his, I instead felt belittled for my beliefs. Many blog posts after followed, in which I spoke about the normal life, and tried to convey in a broad sense that the life I chose to live was normal, very much fulfilling and in no means foolish.

“And here I begin to feel irrationally angry with her. I believe YU is a vital organ of the Orthodox Jewish community and to publish such a guilt-ridden, neurotic article in one of their publications perpetuates a toxic culture for the whole of it. It’s irresponsible. When she writes about her shame and YU students respond in kind, I see it becoming that much harder for me, and others who have chosen a path other than that of Orthodox Judaism, to be taken seriously in our choices, to be thought of as mature adults making decisions based on well-thought out ideological differences, and thus, it makes it harder for us to maintain healthy relationships with our families and friends, because they think we’re on some kind of Rumspringa-style bender and need to be brought back into the fold.

So I want to make this clear to you, brothers and sisters (in the college-student-camaraderie sense, at the very least) – this is not what it means to leave Orthodox Judaism. This is what happens when we perpetually shut down discussions about alternative paths and alternative lifestyles. We are forced to communicate in these tragic half-truths in anonymous posts. I have lost friends because of my choices and I don’t believe that had to happen. It leaves a terrible taste in my mouth about the Orthodox world that I do not want to be there. Though I experienced some closed mindedness in my Orthodox upbringing, I have no illusions that those kinds of people are exclusive to Orthodox Jewry. I do believe they are not the majority there. I believe that the people who showed me friendship, love, and acceptance all my life did so not because I was a Jew, but because they were good people, good friends, and so was I.”

This article was a response to the original article published in The Beacon, YU’s newpaper, which made waves in the Jewish community. I felt that noone quite expressed so succinctly the ideas and feelings I had in regards to the misunderstanding between myself and many religious people.

I showed someone, a religious relative of mine from LA, and the response was something between a murmur of acknowledgement that the above excerpt isn’t foolish, I disagree with what you’ve showed me. When confronted with something so blatantly saying what they feel, and a perfect response to how we feel as mature adults, what else is there to say? And so I thank the writer of that article, whoever she may be, for enlightening others, and helping clarify myself.

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This is what happens when the photo I'm trying to upload won't work. I get frustrated, need to go act, and put any random image up.

As luck would have it, I’m filming the final episode of Coversity today in Maryland. I’d landed in NY from Burbank via stopover in Phoenix after burying my grandpa, and hopped on a bus to DC this morning where I was picked up and driven to the set in Rockville, Maryland.

Now, I’d grown up with certain things being romanticized. Such as film, LA (thanks mom), and…earthquakes. I’d heard countless stories of earthquake drills my mom had in school, where they would climb under their desks. In Israel, children do this out of fear form terror attacks. Here it’s from earthquakes.

I’d never felt one tho. My mom would always try to simulate that (more…)

This is a short film I acted in and co-directed. Feedback much appreciated.

There was once a blog. That blogger released too much sensitive info of girls he fucked, so he shut it down. Luckily it was all copied beforehand, so we can all read his writings of genius here at solomonreborn.wordpress.com

This post expresses everything wrong, and by default kinda awesome, about American girls. One of the best posts I have ever read. I included the comments. be sure to read comment #3.

Drive Thru Boyfriends

Posted on March 21, 2011 by Dalrock

Fall 2010 by Solomon II

“Welcome to McFling’s.  My name is Solomon II.  May I take your order?”

“Uh, yes.  I’ll have the three months of meaningless sex from the Boyfriend Lite menu, add extra self respect.  Hold the judgment and consequences please.

“I’m sorry; we’re all out of self respect.  Would you like to add a side of rationalization for only $1 more?”

“Yeah.  That’s fine.  Super size it please.”

“Thank you.  Please pull up to the window for your total.”

There she is driving down the road of life at her own pace.  She’s young, independent, beautiful and has all the time in the world.  When she’s horny, she swings into the closest drive thru and places her order.  She does the same thing when she’s sad, lonely, happy, up, down, in, out, excited, needy, afraid, strong, weak, depressed, moody, joyful, exhilarated, stressed, etc. Any and every reason is valid because she’s being “true to herself”. Every three months on average she swings into McFling’s and orders up the best looking or most exciting thing on the menu (because she’s sooo selective).  There’s also a couple of late night snack runs thrown in there for good measure, but not as many as some other girls, so you have no right to judge her.  She’s young and her metabolism is firing on all cylinders, so now is the time for her to gorge herself with no consequences.

At the age of 27, she starts to notice that her steady diet of junk food relationships isn’t as satisfying as it once was.  Sure the bright lights, flashy signs, fast service and cheap satisfaction made for great fun, but now she’s starving for wholesome affection and beginning to show signs of emotional malnutrition.  There has to be something better out there.  Something more substantive.

All of a sudden she decides to make a change.  No more drive thru boyfriends.  Certainly everyone understands that her junk food relationship binge wasn’t her fault since it’s the bulk of what society offers.  It’s our culture.  These greasy high calorie drive thru boyfriend establishments are on every corner, advertised on every channel, glamorized in the media, and no one really told her how bad they could be for her health.  It’s society’s fault.  It’s the franchise’s fault. All the girls she knows are doing it, so how could she possibly be expected to know any better?

So now she wants steak, and by God she’s convinced that she deserves it from a five star restaurant.

She takes a shower hoping the stench of her decade long habit of frequenting McFling’s won’t be as noticeable.  She may not know how to act properly at the new fancy steakhouse she’s going to try tonight, but it’s ok.  Men always give her a pass on her behavior since she’s beautiful and an easy lay adventurous.

When she’s all done getting ready and is confident that she can look and act like the type of girl who has been eating healthy all along, she heads out for the best steakhouse in town.  Why not the best?  She deserves it, and her friend Michelle ate there last week (and she’s totally not even pretty).

With all the undeserved self confidence in the world and an advanced case of juvenile egocentrism, she pulls into the parking lot of the steakhouse.  She notices there are dozens of people standing in line.  She doesn’t understand.  The stupid bitch at the hostess desk asked her if she had a reservation.  A reservation?!  How rude!  She has a vagina and that’s always been sufficient before, so what gives?  It seems the steakhouse is completely booked for months.

Now she’s pissed off.  How could the upscale steakhouse refuse to seat her?  So what if she showed up right at prime dinner time (27 years old o’clock) and demanded the best seat in the house.  She deserves it.  She’s waited so long for it… well, not really, but in theory anyway.  She always knew the steakhouse was there, she just never took the time to plan ahead for reservations.  It’s not her fault.

As she drives away, she realizes she has another problem.  She’s still hungry.  She pulls in to yet another McFling’s, this time disgusted to be there.  But she’s changed, so she decides to try something different.

“Welcome to McFling’s.  My name is Solomon II.  May I take your order?”

“Uh, yes.  I’ll have the steak please.”

“We don’t serve steak.  Show me your tits.”

“I’m not like that anymore.  Steak please.”

“I can offer you the three months of meaningless sex from the Boyfriend Lite menu, and pretend to hold the judgment and consequences if you’d like.”

“Steak please.”

“Bitch, would you like me to serve you the three months of meaningless sex from the Boyfriend Lite menu, pretend to hold the judgment and consequences, and just *tell you* it’s steak?”

“Steak please.”

“Fine.  Please pull up to the first window.  I’ll have your total and a treat for your hamster.”

This cycle continues until she turns 30 and realizes that she’ll never get in to the steakhouse.  She’s waited much too long to make reservations, so she settles for a Beta male who takes her to Chili’s on 2 for 1 night in his minivan.  Hey, it’s not the steakhouse she deserves, but it’s better than that asshole Solomon II at the drive thru boyfriend joint.  At least Chili’s has real silverware.

That night she stumbles upon a blog with a post entitled “Drive Thru Boyfriends” and gets righteously annoyed.  That’s not her at all.  That was never her intention.  She’s different, special, and unique.  What gives the author the right to assume that he knows her or can determine what she’s been through in her AMAZING life?  He doesn’t know her story.  He doesn’t know her heart.  He can’t judge her actions based on what other girls do simply because she did the same things and ended up in the same situation they did.  He can’t tell her what kind of person she is, or what her fate will be.  She’s different than the rest.  She’s strong, independent and wise beyond her years.

In her rage she hits the road again, confused by what has happened to her and angry that she didn’t get what she deserved out of life.  With her Beta boyfriend wondering where the hell she is, she drives past the steakhouse which is closed for the night.  Blinded by fury and driven by emotion, she decides to make yet another change.  A real and meaningful change this time.  This time she’ll get it right and enjoy what she deserves for being an amazing woman.  Her rationalization hamster helps out with navigation and leads her to a brand new place.  Somewhere she’s never been.  This is it!  This is what she needs.  This time she’s confident she’ll get what she deserves.

And she does.

“Welcome to McFling’s.  My name is Solomon II.  May I take your order?”

“Steak, please…”

Suggested Reading: Commitment as a Form of Female Investment by Dalrock.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

About Solomon II
As iron sharpeneth iron, so one man sharpeneth another. Proverbs 27:17

One blogger likes this post.
Dalrock

16 Responses to Drive Thru Boyfriends

  1.  Penguin says:

    The last couple of posts are great. You’re on fire!

  2.  HappilyMarriedButJustGotLucky says:

    Agree with Penguin. Quite creative and enjoyable!

  3.  Days of Broken Arrows says:

    …and then one day she turned 42. And she realized few people wanted to serve her McBurgers anymore. The steak had never really come her way, but McBurgers always came easy. Now even that was hard to come by. So she went driving into the night until it became morning.

    Sunday morning.

    That’s when she found the mega-church, or the McChurch. She also found McJesus in the McPastor’s McSermons which weren’t really from scripture, but a McReading of the scripture to appeal to the McPeople who filled the McChurch. The Dr. Phil platitudes of the McPreacher allowed her to feel self-righteous and pass judgment on everyone else. Sure, she might have screwed anything that walked, but now she was a McVirgin. Surely, she was a cut above those sinners who didn’t find the McWord, wasn’t she?

    Male attention had ceased, but it came around again when she began posting McPlatitudes on her Facebook page. Things like “If God brings you to it, then God will get you through it.” Now guys were practically high five-ing her online, since that was what they thought they were supposed to do, knowing nothing better in their empty American McLives of football’n’McJesus. And she began responding to people with “God loves you!” Instead of a simple “Bye!” or “Hello!” That got attention. Her breasts were sagging, but her HolyMcSpirit was high. It also made it easier to block out the cries she heard of all the McBabies she never did have (or the ones that wound up washed in pieces in the McDoctor’s drain).

    Like all TRUE stories, this one has a moral.

    Women who use sex in their twenties to get power and fulfillment use religion in their forties when the sex well runs dry. Of course, it’s all McPower — not the real thing, but a low-budget simulation.

  4.  Solomon II says:

    @Days: Beautifully done, and so true. As the son of a Baptist Minister, I can confirm 100%. Church is the last refuge of many a whore. That’s why I laugh when men say they want to go to church to meet a good girl.

    @ Penguin and Happily: Thanks! I really appreciate your feedback.

  5.  finndistan says:

    That was one of the best ways the concept has been written about.

    Btw,

    It is not just wanting to eat steak at a restaurant, it is also wanting the restaurant to pay them for eating the steak; and even pay for the open tabs of the past McFlings.

    And due all the additives (i.e. sodium glutamate, sweeteners, preservatives…) , the taste buds are almost dead, so the steak will never taste like a pumped um McFling with cream on top.

  6.  Solomon II says:

    @finndistan: It’s amazing how this analogy could go on and on forever and still hold true.

  7. Pingback: Commitment as a form of female investment. | Dalrock
  8.  Thag Jones says:

    He can’t judge her actions based on what other girls do simply because she did the same things and ended up in the same situation they did.

    I lol’d. That’s a good one!

  9.  dalrock says:

    “We don’t serve steak. Show me your tits.”

    One of the funniest things I’ve read in a long, long time!

    Thanks for your link back and putting me on your blogroll! I’ve added you to mine as well not so much out of reciprocation, but because I want to be able to read your latest posts easily. I’ve only read your most recent four posts, but I’m hooked.

    One question though, who is Darlock? :)

    [Damn it. Give me a sec.]

  10. Pingback: Linkage is Good for You: You Know What the Pattern Is Edition
  11.  Bronckin’ Buckeye says:

    Is this the customer you’re talking about?

    http://40daysandengaged.tumblr.com/

    It’s a must read.

    “Flirting with the laws of attraction. As single (and choosy) girls ——— and —– have decided to put their beliefs in the Law of Attraction to the test to attract the men of their dreams…. We will be wearing engagement rings for 40 days to send signals to the universe that we have found what we are looking for. By doing this we are hoping that in response to those signals we are sending out we will actually receive what we are looking for.
    We will be following some rules through this experiment.
    1. The ring must be worn during every public outting
    2. If a possible “love interest” questions the ring and asks if we are engaged we must answer “Yes, to myself.”
    3. No dating (or similar extra curricular activities) during the 40 day period.
    4. We must go “out” and socialize at least once per weekend
    *Rules are subject to change at our discretion*”

    [S2 Says: Christ, man. Women are fucking delusional. I should quit picking on them and start a foundation or something.]

  12.  Squared says:

    Hey Solomon, just found your blog earlier today. I’ve gone back in your archives and have read about a dozen of your posts already, and I find myself short of superlatives. Absolutely brilliant stuff all around. You definitely have what it takes to become the new king of this part of the blogosphere.

    I’ll be checking this one regularly, keep it up!

  13.  Steve says:

    Funny shit bro.

Coversity Episode 10

Posted: July 22, 2011 in TV
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Hey guys, I don’t post  a link to every episode of the show I’m on, because that’s just shameless self promoting…but this one is by far the best yet…so enjoy!

http://www.vbctv.com/index.php?option=com_zoo&task=item&item_id=1332&Itemid=1370

Subway Encounters Part 1

Posted: July 15, 2011 in Random
Tags: , , , , , ,

I’m a friendly guy. I meet people where ever I go. Living in NYC I’ve had met some amazing people and figured I’d share.

Perhaps I’m just aware of what and who is around me and I like talking, or perhaps I’m just a creep. Either way, it certainly doesn’t hurt to know some great people. At the very least, it gives me interesting stories.

A few months ago, while working in DUMBO – which for those of you who aren’t aware, is where the real cool people hide out,  I used to take the same train every day. I always took the late train. You kow the one where everyone looks hungover and guilty they aren’t in their office and it’s 10am…

Anyway, I saw this cute short girl a bunch of times, but never said anything. I guess I wasn’t in a talkative mood during the winter. Well one day I did approach her and we chatted a bit. I asked her for coffee but she said she was busy that night, and we never did meet up.

Maybe she isn’t a drinker.

She did find me on Twitter however. Stalker girl. Or maybe it was the other way around.

Anyhow I stumbled across her blog and from there to this video of her doing standup comedy.

Probably from the top ten best standup videos I’ve ever seen, and I normally HATE  standup comedy.

Oh, and Marina, my offer for coffee still stands.

Came across this on a blog. I couldn’t agree more.

A Proposal: Let’s Stop Making ‘Wedding’ One of Life’s Key Check Marks.

by Joy Engel on April 27, 2011

“In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you that I’m officially interested in the Royal Wedding.

I tried to keep the cynicism alive, I really did. But it’s hard to be anti-Royal Wedding while also being friends with Chiara and communicating daily with a colleague in London. And once I realized that being interested in the Royal Wedding essentially means day drinking and talking about fancy hats (two of my favorite pastimes), I was all on board.

Like all short-lived obsessions, I’ve thrown myself into this. I watched the Lifetime movie, I read some articles about their history and crowned myself an expert on Wills and Kate. I think they’re nice. I think they actually love each other. I think she has glorious hair. And that’s a lot for me to think about a couple I will never actually meet. Let’s have some more champagne.

My wedding enthusiasm is (more…)

Art and Jews

Posted: April 24, 2011 in Life Musings
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Wait...What??

Anonymity and blogging: We all love it. It allow us to write more freely, to express ourselves more clearly. Many of my friends know who I am, and certainly if you saw my Facebook feeds, you’d know, and that’s just the way it is. Which is perfectly fine. I like to call it semi-anonymous. Meaning if you know, keep it to yourself. That being said…I’ve been busy lately, which is why  haven’t blogged in close to a month.

Never mind that though. Art: What is it? Why do we love it? Why do some of us scorn it?

Jews have a love hate relationship with it. Some look down on it, some are actively involved in making it.

I recently finished filming a very intensive 6 day shoot of a 25 minute short film, directed by a young but very talented director. We worked endless hours each day, giving it our all until wrapped. We were exhausted, yes. But also exhilarated. Here we all were, doing what we liked. We all appreciated the fact that art was being created, minute by minute. It wasn’t just the idea of perfecting the character. It was also acknowledging that the talented gaffer (lighting guy), the sound mixer, who came recommended as “the best sound guy he knows” by the sound mixer on Godfather, and all the crew’s work, both pre and post production comes together to form this amazing thing we call a film. Bit by bit, (more…)

 

Airplane Confusion

Gothamist had this article about Jews wearing tefillin called

“Tefillin Totin’ Jews Terrorize Another Airplane”

Dramatic, right?

It’s the comments on that article that intrigued me:

– Don’t people understand that Jews do not directly involve themselves in a terror scheme… They let the American CIA do it for them.
Sheesh!

In reponse to above: Have you always been stupid or was there a time, maybe in the second grade, when a teacher told you that there was “promise”? Educate yourself, you fool.

Response back: Do I educate myself by first ignoring the uncomfortable bedfellows that is Israel & the CIA? Ignorance is bliss, HO. I think you might need some educating, too. I loved 2nd grade.

– If you’ve never seen the ritual, it’s pretty scary/intense, especially on a plane. I’m a jew and it still creeps me out.

– hey, all you religious nuts, keep your prayers at home in the church or temple…any one tying boxes to their heads on a plane needs to have their heads examined. so irresponsible…religious fools.
Response: Have you seen how Jews are able to control their women? It’s definitely the best religion for that.

– There’s a time and place for everything. Inflexibility is the Orthodox creed. In today’s world public safety must trump religious ritual every time. With this said, I smell a freedom of religion suit with these facts reaching the Supreme Court in about 5 years. Watch for it.

– Judaism allows for flexibility in a lot of things. Those who insist on putting on Tefillin on a airplane should find a loophole…Judaism is full of them. And besides, standing up during a flight is not only dangerous for the people doing it, it puts others at risk too.

– Some day we will get over religion and its superstitions and work on evolving as a society.
In response: No we won’t. It’s too easy to pretend there’s some supernatural daddy figure in the sky telling you what’s right and wrong so you never have to take responsibility and think for yourself. And most people, whether it’s in their private lives or professional or anywhere else, will do what’s easiest no matter what the consequences.

– Agreed! Wait until you get off the plane to perform the prayer rituals.

-Hitler would be proud.
In response: Godwin would not. (awesome reference!)

– I’ve never understood loud religious rituals at all. If you’re praying to an almighty deity, surely he’ll hear you even if you whisper or just think your prayers. There’s no correlation between true, heartfelt piety and aural volume anyway. Often, the people who are the loudest with their “hallelujahs” and “praise the Lord” are the least pious. For example, Pat Robertson, Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker, the Westboro freaks – the list goes on and on.

– While I don’t think these guys are getting supernatural powers from “tefillin'” I certainly think it is a bit ridiculous that people freak out whenever anyone who isn’t white does some of their religious mumbo-jumbo. Pray the rosary: those beads are okay. pray with tefillin & suddenly DUN DUN DUN. TERROR!

– Hilarious.


This is in response to another blogger who claimed her sister going on a diet would ruin the economy. This is my response.

Dear Pegoleg,

You recently wrote a post explaining how if your sister goes on a diet, she’ll be ruining the economy. I think she’ll be ruining alot more than that. Here’s why:

You see, if your girls like sister doesn’t diet, she’ll remain fat. And then guys like myself, who like to go out and have a good time, will be less likely to do so this year because there won’t be any beautiful women for us. And that would make for a bunch of very grumpy men walking around.

Grumpy men who’d have no choice but to resort to porn. Now I understand those porn stars clearly had some major daddy issues, but if not for a bunch of men sitting and watching those girls getting nailed, girls with daddy issues would’ve been okay doing what girls with messed up daddys had to do for years…which in all likelyhood probably meant being a hooker, but that’s besides the point. At least they’d be fornicating in private without the latest in HD video capturing every moan. But no, we have to make sure that in our enlightened western society of 2010 we make sure that there will always be an audience waiting for that hot oh-so-skinny chic to be nailed in public. As long as the economy will be safe, because your sister sacrificed her looks for, all’s well.

But in truth it really won’t matter either way, because that fat girl’s self esteem will all but dissapear, and then she’ll either be desperate and get with someone fat and bald, or become anorexic and depressed, showing the same symptoms as the girl with daddy issues. And, well you know what will come next…

With much love,

Kissmeimshomer