Posts Tagged ‘guys’

Birthdays. For years, birthdays would evoke memories of family gatherings, birthday cakes, and presents, along with cards sent from distant relatives. As we entered into the technological era, the party venue has evolved into something of an entirely different nature.

People today seem to feel an obligation to write on the Facebook Wall of the person whose birthday it is. And people expect it.

Gone are the birthday cards, cakes, and warm family parties. In its place is a long line of people well wishing against a now-familiar blue backdrop we spend most of our life on. Many times this place can become drama-filled, cold and unwelcoming. Especially on your birthday.

I always like observing the different wishes people send over Facebook and have divided them into 3 categories:

1. The Friend.

Typically someone who knows the person well. Comfortable in their relationship, not trying to prove anything. Simply wishing a happy birthday.

A typical example would be:

“Happy birthday!! Many many more!”

2. Best Friend. Typically someone who spends all their time with the person, shares alot of jokes with them.

A typical example would be:

Girl2Girl: OMG HAPPY BDAY GIRLY! ur finnaaaaaaaally 18!!!!! my yummy bearlovegirl is growing uppppp! cya tonite mwaa!!!

Guy2Guy: yo duuuuuude wtf man we gotta party. btw its sikkkk ur finally 21 we gonna partyyyyyy!

I left out the Girl2Guy and Guy2Girl, just because.

3. The Acquaintance.

Someone who sees the person from time to time. Likely wants to be polite or just not fall off the radar. They may like to prove their social status by showing using the birthday wish to show that they’re acquainted. A certain level of awkwardness is to be expected.

A few examples would be:

“happy bday”

That translates into the guy who is an acquaintance but is just saying happy birthday. Nothing more.

“Happy b-day :)”

This is the acquaintance who feels to awkward just giving a plain “happy bday” so ads a smiley. Likely it’s a girl2guy or guy2girl comment.

“happppy bdaaaayyyyy!!

This is the acquaintance who feels the need to prove to himself, the world and whoever else he feels is listening that him and the birthday-wish recipient are tight!

4. Facebook Friend Only

This person doesn’t care about the recipient of his wishes at all. He is friends with them because they bumped into each other once, they have mutual friends and so one friended the other, or he simply wanted to see that guy’s friends list. (no I don’t friend people to see their friends list. Ever.)

A typical example would be:

“Hey happy b-day whens the party????”

or

“awesome ur 21 now we can party” – followed by a text “so wheren’s the party dude”

In reality I feel that Facebook is becoming a warmer place than it had been, as more an more of our lives become integrated with Facebook.

But this one card says it best:

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Random thing I found somewhere. Different than my usual stuff but random enough. Happy reading!

A guy named Ron is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts and they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither of them is seeing anyone else.

And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine. Without really thinking, she says it aloud, “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”

And then there is silence in the car.

To Elaine it seemed like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself,”Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.

And Ron is thinking, “Gosh. Six months.”

Then Elaine is thinking, “But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward. I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?”

And Ron is thinking, “So that means it was…let’s see…February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer, which means…lemme check the odometer. Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.”

Elaine is thinking, “He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment — maybe he has sensed – even before I sensed it – that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.”

And Roger is thinking, And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they’d better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves six hundred dollars.”

And Elaine is thinking, “He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry, too. I feel so guilty putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.”

And Ron is thinking, “They’ll probably say it’s only a ninety-day warranty. Scumbags.”

And Elaine is thinking, “Maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right here next to a perfectly good person, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.”

And Ron is thinking, “Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a warranty. I’ll take their warranty and stick it right up their…”

“Ron,” Elaine says aloud.

“What?” says Ron, startled.

“Please don’t torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. “Maybe I never should have. Oh God, I feel so.” (She breaks down, sobbing.)

“What?” says Ron.

“I’m such a fool,” Elaine sobs. “I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”

“There’s no horse?” says Ron.

“You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Elaine says.

“No!” says Ron, glad to finally know the correct answer.

“It’s just that…it’s that I. I need some time,” Elaine says.

(There is a fifteen-second pause while Ron, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

“Yes,” he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) “Oh, Ron, do you really feel that way?” she says.

“What way?” says Ron.

“That way about time,” says Elaine.

“Oh,” says Ron. “Yes.”

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

“Thank you, Ron,” she says.

“Thank you,” says Ron.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed — a conflicted, tortured soul — and weeps until dawn.

Ron gets back to his place, opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it’s better if he just doesn’t think about it.

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, every expression, every gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.

Meanwhile, Ron, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine’s, will pause just before serving, frown and say, “Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?”

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is the difference between men and women.