Posts Tagged ‘holidays’

Post Thanksgiving Blues

Posted: November 29, 2010 in Life Musings
Tags: , , ,

Some of my thoughts as the weekend progressed.

Friday 9am:

Dinner. Powerful word. Take 15 great friends, lots of booze and good food and that makes for some memorable times. I woke up this morning feeling like I got run over by a truck, when I realized I have to head off to work. Sadly, my boss does not recognize thanksgiving. I guess he’s too religious for it. Or maybe he just doesn’t like turkey. Either way, since I hadn’t actually been run over by a truck,  I guess that meant it was time to drag myself out of bed. There was this very holiday-like feeling in the air. It’s that feeling where you know you shouldn’t be at work/school that day, yet there you are. Oh well.

Monday 12 noon: The day’s progressing, though I really feel like I’m looking at the world through a haze. I’m not feeling too well, I’m in a down mood for a few other reasons, one of them being that my friends sister got into Sundance. She’s still broke and struggling but after 3 years of acting a film she’s starring in may just propel her career upwards. Of course I’m happy for her, but jealous at the same time. I’m only human. So I’m not in the greatest of moods and then I saw my boss. I swear that dude is the most depressing fellow ever. Just seeing him makes me wanna run and hide.

A) He’s religious.  Normally that wouldn’t piss me off to much, but he’s the type that doesn’t give a shit about it, yet does all the external yeshivish crap. And as time goes on I care less about the activities about the religious people around me; sometimes I can sit back and be amused at their silliness like you look at children marveling over the tooth fairy and Santa Claus, but sometimes they just get on my nerves.

B) he’s a multi-millionaire who can’t seem to enjoy it, or understand that others aren’t in his position. The dude actually asked me to lay out money for him the other day. I don’t care how little he asked for, if your paying me as little as you do, and have as much as you do, well what can I say…you’re just a bad person. No, rotten. Time for a new job.

I’ll probably wake up tomorrow and laugh at my current mood but that’s life. We turn around constantly, look at ourselves yesterday and either cry or laugh.

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September 7, 2010:

Yesterday I spent the day with my friends in the city. We walked around a bit, shopped a bit and even shared one of those big cupcakes from crumbs. We went for pizza and finished off the day with a movie. I came home, made lunch for today watched an episode of Weeds- I just finished Nip/Tuck so its time to shop for a new show- and went to bed.

I woke up today at 7 worked out for a bit, showered got dressed, ate a nice breakfast and went to work. And here I am.

And tonite I’ll probably chill with someone and then go to bed. Peacefully. Tomorrow I’ll eat the meal with my family, go to sleep and wake up around 11 on Thursday at which point I may or may not go hear Shofar. Or not. Either way. If I have my car ( I dont always have it) I may hit the beach. We’ll see. It’ll be a nice long 4 day vacation. On the heels of this past Labor Day weekend it’s a bit much- I need the money.

September 2008:

I went to second seder- a bit late cuz I had a wash to do- and got yelled at by my older Chavrusa when I told him why I was late. His argument? “If you had a plane to catch you wouldn’t have been late doing a wash”. True, but the Bais Medrash isn’t a plane. Doesn’t even have TV screens.

Anyway, I finished sitting across from my Gemara 3 hours later. Ran to get some greasy food from the Yeshiva’s cafeteria, and then ran back up for Maariv. I watched the people around me Daven like the world was coming to an end. Or at least what they imagined they’d be doing the day before their world may or may not come to an end.

Night seder, the time for a haircut. One of my good friends, a very Yeshivish but  totally awesome dude was amazing at giving haircuts. And he wouldn’t charge me. He was kidding around about giving me a mohawk, when someone form the hallway gave him a look, and said in as serious a voice as he can muster “Nu, Elul!”

The next morning, Erev Rosh Hashanah I forced myself to get out of bed, and with a feeling of some big burden and annoyance waiting for me over the next two days, Davened and said Hataras Nedarim very carefully. After all, can’t have all those horrible vows on me. Gives me a bad rap with God or something like that. Either way, you can be sure I was verrry careful with saying Hataras Nedarim.

The day would go by, I’d go to a shiur on the meaning of Mussaf, and generally walk around trying to feel serious.

The trying. I’ve just pinpointed it. There was so much trying. Trying to feel serious in September. Trying to be sad on Tish’a B’av. This time of year was always dreaded. I had to try to feel something that was difficult to feel, and feel guilty if I was unable to sit through a 8 hour davening. I did it, and it always went faster than I thought it would. Yet, the feeling was always mostly relief when it was all over. That happiness I always felt after yom kippur I had always contributed to feeling clean from sin, yet I think it was more about feelingintense relief that I didnt have to sit in shul 8 hours again for a whole year.

The contrast between the pre holiday days then and the days now are striking. So much more normal now, thank you very much.

While I’m on the topic of the evils of drinking I figured I’d make a list of different scenarios in which different people have a drink…or two…or ten.

1. Yeshiva Guy Headline Whore:

Age: 10-19

Favorite Activity: smoking and talking about the time Yanky’s older brother beat up a goy. Oh, and he also likes to brag about how long it takes his Yeshiva to get through an amud gemara.

Drink of Choice: alcohol. Doesn’t matter what type, he barely knows a beer from a kettel one with 3 limes.

Time of Drinking: Purim and by his brother Yerucham’s siyum. He finished gantz seder nashim! (can’t blame him- must’ve gotten sick of cows goring fat pregnant chics, figured he’d get into some steamy girl stories. With Rabbi’s students getting off under their Rabbi’s bed watching him fuck his wife. Nasty. But I’ll parody the different gemara stuff another post.

Most likely to be wearing: The younger guys: Nike sneakers, dark dockers and a polo- maybe ralph Lauren, more likely Tommy or maybe even Hollister for the realll cool guys.

Older guys: white shirt, tzitzis, black pants and huge yarmulka. hat and jacket goes without saying. Or maybe not, if he’s a hocker.

Motive: Bragging rights. Heck, maybe he’ll get into the Yated for landing himself in the hospital.

2. Oiveid Hashem:

Age: 14-40

Favorite activity: The fact that your even asking vos ich hub leeb tzu tun, is mamesh a geferlecheh chillul hashem! The only thing vos a yeshiva man want, the most important zach i deh velt vus mir ken tun, iz tzu lernen der eibeshters heiligeh heligeh torah ayayayy…

Drink of Choice: wine or schnapps.

Time of Drinking: Purim is the only time a year that ah mentch is shayach to reach the kedusha oof Yom Kippur! And even better vibalt it’s durch simcha! Nichnas yayin yatzah soid! Ah! Moiiiiredig! Chayav inish livisoomay bipoorayah ad diloh yada! And the Mitzvah is only with wine…

Also noch davening shabbos morning at the kiddush, a shot or two of bourbon never hurt anyone…

Most likely to be wearing: wrinkled white shirt, black shiny dress pants and mismatched black jacket. Dusty used-to-be-black but turned grey brimmed down hat. Shoes scuffed and ugly.

Motive: Ah mentch darf nisht hubben ah ta’am far deenin der eibeshter.

3. Dude in Israel for Shana Alef or Bet:

Age:17-20

Favorite activity: Depending on which Yeshiva he went to (also for another post) either going to Zolly’s and getting blowjobs in the bathroom or fucking the shit out of the yeshivish looking sem girl in his dorm room. But they’ll always be sure not to get caught…might ruin the chics shidduch chances. Ha- that slut will be wearing short shorts and tank tops within 6 weeks of getting back from Israel.

Drink of Choice: Hooka. Oh, its not a drink? Well some pot in the hooka mixed with some vodka redbull ain’t too bad a deal.

Time of Drinking: best is straight out of bed, after you manage to push her off you and realize you have a pounding headache and no memories of how or when you ordered pizza. And why it’s moldy is another question, for another time. And best thing for a hangover as they say is more beer. Can’t hurt, that’ for sure. Usually warm beer from a half drunk can which probably was last touched by the lips of the girl you just climbed out from under. And shes also the cause of all that goddam itching. Good luck brotha!

Most likely to be wearing:

Option 1: Baggy khakhis, rumpled t-shirt, naots.

Option 2: Jeans, untucked american eagle shirt, naots.

Option 3: Black pants, used to be starched untucked white shirt and crocs, probably dark in color. Or maybe bright orange. Depends- on what? I dunno.

Motive: survival, buddy, survival.

4. Post Israel Barely Religious Dude

I like ti call these guys Frum But Not Religious. They don’t keep anything but still go places for shabbos and eat at mainly kosher establishments even tho they’ll be using their cell phones on shabbos and have bacon egg and cheese on the way to Atlantic City if they somehow missed stopping at Dunkin on 18th.

Age: 20-24

Favorite Activity: Titties. And don’t tell me that’s not an activity. Better than Christmas!

This guy drinks alot:

Time of drinking, drink of choice and motive: A. House party, flat beer from a keg and jack and coke, getting with the drunk slut. Read drunk slut in the plural form. As in when I talk  to 300 ppl at once and say “you”. And btw who the fuck said there has to be a motive??

B. Club, Vodka cranberry orange juice, getting with- well anything that moves and has boobs. Cuz most guys end up paying through the roof for those drinks, unless they have a hookup ( I know I do, many actually :p) so they must be desperate at that point. Like my friend said- fat chics are great for one thing- giving great blowjobs, well cuz they know how to eat!

C. Hooka bar: don’t get me started.

Most likely to be wearing: Fitted t or nice shirt. Jeans, brown pointy shoes with dragon designs on the front.

5. Post Party Day Ex Yeshiva Rebel:

Age: 25-30

Favorite Activity: Making money. Loads of money. And then some.

Time of Drinking: After work on random nights at high end hotel bars where they play soft music and in the movies some hooker always sits down and with the look of a shrewd business woman, softly whispers something in his ear while her hand…I’m getting carried away, dammit.

Drink of Choice: Scotch on the rocks. Something golden in a nice glass should do the trick.

Motive: so much stress can only be relieved one way…

Most likely to be wearing: Armani suit, shirt and dress shoes. And if he used to be satmar….he probably still has his bluetooth in…

For those of you who wonder why I post erratically, the answer is quite simple- I don’t LOOK for things to post. I let the inspiration of the moment speak for itself. Similar to when I cook- I figure out basically what I want to make, say a stir-fry, and the I let the food speak to me. Sounds crazy, I know. But that’s how I work.

Well, I just had a beer and was sitting watching Nip-Tuck, when Dr. Troy mentioned about swearing off drinking and then waking up with a hangover. It hit me at that moment- quite in a similar way to when I was at my friends place on Fire Island and the absurdity of religion hit me as I watched real normal American life unfold in front of me – when the word drinking was said in a very innocent way. Let me begin with the following.

I never really drank, even on Purim, until I was maybe in 12th grade or even older. I went to Israel, and by the time I came back I was fast becoming not religious. Shortly thereafter as I mentioned I began working in Manhattan. Grabbing drinks after work on Stone Street- you gotta check that place out- became commonplace, as did coming home drunk on Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday nights, more often than not at least two of those. My mom looked at drinking like  an unbelievable evil. Even on Purim, when all other people I knew got shitfaced I always felt uncomfortable taking a drink in high school. So you can imagine at this point my mom wasn’t thrilled. Now they weren’t – still aren’t – the type of people to say anything to me, but I knew my mom looked at drinking on the weekends like an unbelievably irresponsible and sad thing.

Just recently I went away with some friends. I took the family car and loaded it up with some beers for the road. Not for the road literally but for when we stopped driving for the night. We didn’t end up drinking at all so I unloaded the beers from the car when I got home and brought them into my room. Inadvertently I left one bottle in the car. My mom found it and went ballistic, assuming I take to drinking while driving. Now I can assure you that I do no such thing. If I so much as had a beer I won’t drive for a long while, to be sure all the alcohol is out of my system. I calmed her down and life went on.

Ok, so what hit me was the following. Here’s my mom, and many people in the Jewish community, who assume that drinking is evil. Yet on Purim most seem to have no problem. Yes, there are calls for being safe, and some call for not drinking at all. But the overwhelming feeling people have about Purim is that it’s OK to drink. My mom feels one can drink on Purim, but drinking any other time of the year is completely immature. Now who the hell made that bullshit up? Just because YOU decide to go along with the rest of the largely pathetic Frum community and drink on Purim, doesn’t mean that day is any different than others. Who made up that drinking on Purim is ok, and only once a year??

At least my mom herself never drinks. But my dad drinks on Purim and has a shot or two or three at the Shabbos meal and yet still tells of the “horrors” of Yeshiva guys drinking at weddings. Who the fuck doesn’t drink at weddings??

Now I’m not an alcoholic.  Far from it, but social drinking that doesn’t interrupt your life, nor do you feel that not drinking will ruin that night, is perfectly acceptable. And to suggest otherwise, while condoning drinking on YOUR holiday is the talk of asinine and pathetic hypocrites.

Personally, I find that there’s nothing like a few drinks to get both parties interested and loosened up…so can I buy you a drink?

Interesting. I just got back from a long week at work, and the atmosphere is really awesome.  After all Shabbat is here! Nah, I kid. It’s holiday weekend. Independence day. Cheers to cold refreshment, 3 day weekends, and the United States of America! (that was courtesy of coors light)

It’s amazing, you never think of normal American Holidays as anything other than the day when you neighbors go party and you stay home listening to fireworks  go off as the smell of another long summers day fading lingers in the air.  Until now. You see unlike harsh religious rules,  Americans use their brains, hearts, and hormones to think. And thank god for that! (sacrilegious much?)

Holiday=no work=vacation=relax. Simple. So sorry mom and dad you guys are usually pretty sensible, but holiday doesn’t mean eating crackers for seven days, sitting outside in the cold, or getting up at early hours of the day to go pray for 4 hours.

UR MOM, THAT’S WHO!