Posts Tagged ‘ur mom’

For those of you who wonder why I post erratically, the answer is quite simple- I don’t LOOK for things to post. I let the inspiration of the moment speak for itself. Similar to when I cook- I figure out basically what I want to make, say a stir-fry, and the I let the food speak to me. Sounds crazy, I know. But that’s how I work.

Well, I just had a beer and was sitting watching Nip-Tuck, when Dr. Troy mentioned about swearing off drinking and then waking up with a hangover. It hit me at that moment- quite in a similar way to when I was at my friends place on Fire Island and the absurdity of religion hit me as I watched real normal American life unfold in front of me – when the word drinking was said in a very innocent way. Let me begin with the following.

I never really drank, even on Purim, until I was maybe in 12th grade or even older. I went to Israel, and by the time I came back I was fast becoming not religious. Shortly thereafter as I mentioned I began working in Manhattan. Grabbing drinks after work on Stone Street- you gotta check that place out- became commonplace, as did coming home drunk on Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday nights, more often than not at least two of those. My mom looked at drinking like  an unbelievable evil. Even on Purim, when all other people I knew got shitfaced I always felt uncomfortable taking a drink in high school. So you can imagine at this point my mom wasn’t thrilled. Now they weren’t – still aren’t – the type of people to say anything to me, but I knew my mom looked at drinking on the weekends like an unbelievably irresponsible and sad thing.

Just recently I went away with some friends. I took the family car and loaded it up with some beers for the road. Not for the road literally but for when we stopped driving for the night. We didn’t end up drinking at all so I unloaded the beers from the car when I got home and brought them into my room. Inadvertently I left one bottle in the car. My mom found it and went ballistic, assuming I take to drinking while driving. Now I can assure you that I do no such thing. If I so much as had a beer I won’t drive for a long while, to be sure all the alcohol is out of my system. I calmed her down and life went on.

Ok, so what hit me was the following. Here’s my mom, and many people in the Jewish community, who assume that drinking is evil. Yet on Purim most seem to have no problem. Yes, there are calls for being safe, and some call for not drinking at all. But the overwhelming feeling people have about Purim is that it’s OK to drink. My mom feels one can drink on Purim, but drinking any other time of the year is completely immature. Now who the hell made that bullshit up? Just because YOU decide to go along with the rest of the largely pathetic Frum community and drink on Purim, doesn’t mean that day is any different than others. Who made up that drinking on Purim is ok, and only once a year??

At least my mom herself never drinks. But my dad drinks on Purim and has a shot or two or three at the Shabbos meal and yet still tells of the “horrors” of Yeshiva guys drinking at weddings. Who the fuck doesn’t drink at weddings??

Now I’m not an alcoholic.  Far from it, but social drinking that doesn’t interrupt your life, nor do you feel that not drinking will ruin that night, is perfectly acceptable. And to suggest otherwise, while condoning drinking on YOUR holiday is the talk of asinine and pathetic hypocrites.

Personally, I find that there’s nothing like a few drinks to get both parties interested and loosened up…so can I buy you a drink?

Hey Sexual!

Posted: August 4, 2010 in Sex
Tags: , ,

I’d like to introduce a new word. Sexual. What?

Ever see a girl and tell her how sexy she looks? Or see a car and call it sexy? Well from now on the word is sexual. As in ” Geez babe you lookin sexual!” Or “yo, check out that car, it’s madd sexual!” Somehow it has more snap. Or more of whatever it’s supposed to have.

On the other hand it’s also a bit pervy so careful how you use it and to whom you say it. And by pervy I mean you could sound like you wanna be humpin right now. Which of course is the way most of us think, but you’re not supposed to SAY it.

See there’s a fine line between being in touch with our base perverse selves, and being socially acceptable. PETA barely makes the latter while some of my friends are too in touch with themselves. Well, not so much in TOUCH with THEMSELVES, ( or is that in touch WITH themselves…?) but ya get my drift.

On another note, nothing is more satisfying than saying FUCK YOU to someone who doesn’t REALLY deserve it. Kind of when someone takes a stab at you, instead of responding with something clever or sexual you can just say FUCK you…but of course with your super sexual smile. Otherwise noone will be FUCKING you.

Bye. And yes, I am against all forms of sexual harassment, rape or otherwise violent or perverted actions. So stop hating.

Interesting. I just got back from a long week at work, and the atmosphere is really awesome.  After all Shabbat is here! Nah, I kid. It’s holiday weekend. Independence day. Cheers to cold refreshment, 3 day weekends, and the United States of America! (that was courtesy of coors light)

It’s amazing, you never think of normal American Holidays as anything other than the day when you neighbors go party and you stay home listening to fireworks  go off as the smell of another long summers day fading lingers in the air.  Until now. You see unlike harsh religious rules,  Americans use their brains, hearts, and hormones to think. And thank god for that! (sacrilegious much?)

Holiday=no work=vacation=relax. Simple. So sorry mom and dad you guys are usually pretty sensible, but holiday doesn’t mean eating crackers for seven days, sitting outside in the cold, or getting up at early hours of the day to go pray for 4 hours.

UR MOM, THAT’S WHO!