The Definition of Wrong

For those of you who have trouble distinguishing between right and wrong, I offer you a visual representation... Any questions?

What defines something as wrong? Technically is there something wrong with banging a goat? It’s sick, disgusting and if I know anyone who did it I’d never talk to them again. But I think we define wrong as something that is out of our societal norms. let me give a few examples:

Oh, and please don’t leave comments telling me I’m making stereoypes etc. I’m not dumb. I’m well aware that most people in each segment probably don’t conform to those stereotypes, but that’s why they’re called stereotypes. Cuz that’s all it is. A stereoype, not reality.

Someone learning at R’ Avrohom Yehoshua: I know a bochur who’s mamesh messed up.  He learns more than a blatt every half year. He zicher doesn’t have right p’shat. He also has a second cousin that goes to YU.

Someone at R’ Tzvi: walking outside without hat and jacket, or coming to shiur after the door is locked…

Mir: Um…

BJJ girl: Marrying a boy from the other Brisk.

Hadar: Not listening to every word Mrs. Orenstein says.

All the Yeshivas with acronyms: AJ, TJ, OJ etc. : Listening to the Rabbis. A definite no-no.

YU: Disparaging The Rav, or referring to Rav Chaim when saying The Rav.

Upper West Side guy before 23: Having sex. So young to give up on finding a true mate.

Upper West Side guy after 23: Taking off your Yarmulka before walking into a bar. What’s there to be ashamed of. Leaving with a girl just shows your straight, that’s cool.

Chabad Dudes: You can do what you like, sleep with how ever many people you like, go to South America on a road trip and not keep Shabbos, but for God’s sake, don’t forget The Rebbe is big stuff, MaMesh.

Chabad Girls: Not liking hooka. A true chabad girl loves nothing more than to spend an evening with 8 mendys a 10 mushkys and 4 hookas.

Liberals, not necessarily Jewish: Not caring about the environment. Not caring about animals. Not being into art. Being homophobic. All terrible things.

Frat Boys: Being into art. So gay. Environment’s cool, anything resembling pop culture is bad.

Upper East Side Ladies: Most of them have plastic surgery once they hit 40 and are still ugly as sin, so being naturally beautiful is a crime. As is not having been married 3 times, robbing the guy of all his money each time. After all, they deserve SOME peace in their lives. Having a child that didn’t attend an ultra-elite prep school is taboo. Going out Saturday night with their lady friends and drinking martinis or vodka tonics is standard.

Hipsters: When they aren’t smoking up and can coherently think, it’s definitely wrong to not know what real music is. Real music is only something that just about all Americans never heard before. It also must have a vinyl edition somewhere out there. Deodorant is optional.

Hot Chanies: Not going to Miami for pesach is worse than the nail salon being closed when you get there. It’s wrong to be in NY over pesach. Very wrong.

Traffic Jam…Let’s Dance!

I really don’t like covering the antics of Yeshiva guys so much because I’m no longer preoccupied by what they’re up to as I was when I originally left it, but coming on the heels of the People’s Court video, it’s only fair to shed some better, if not slightly psychotic light, on the “community”.

These dudes were stuck on the highway so started dancing.

Besides, it’s kinda hard to hate Chabad.

My only correction here is that the music was sounded like a Jewish remake, not the original.

The Messiah, Santa, and the Economy

Sometimes I feel as if I’m surrounded by people who are about as delusional as delusional can be. This contractor was just in my house, Jewish guy, as he’s leaving he gives one of those pseudo-sighs and starts babbling about how moshiach is on his way it must be! Quoted some Rabbi who supposedly has a direct line to God who said “Moshiach is closer than you may think”. Something about there being so much death in the world, it can only mean he’s coming. My mom agreed and nodded in agreement.

In 1939 they said the same thing! 1492, Crusades, Inquisition! They all said Moshiach was coming then. He hasn’t come.  My mom responded ” but hopefully that was the chevlei moshiach and out grandparents died because of that”. The contractor answered, “Do you believe Moshiach is coming? Well, then we have to prepare!”

I burst out laughing. Hasn’t ANYONE ever told these people Santa was fake?! Poor deprived guy. I’m not saying definitively whether he does or doesn’t exist. I’m saying to cling to the thought he is coming with such conviction, when in fact he doesn’t know for sure is childish.

His then went onto the economy being bad. Firstly, tough shit. I also have no money. Secondly ever heard of the Great Depression?? He insisted today is worse. “In the 1930’s the economy was bad, and it became good. Today we don’t know what’s going on!” Yea, hindsight is always 20/20. My mom said something about it being bad globally, but in the 30’s it was only in the US. Never new the Messiah was so picky.

It could be his life is hard and this is what gives him hope, but to tell others about your fantasy is kinda weird. Almost like he’s trying to convince me. He was spouting on automatic. Spouting. Like a robot repeating stuff.

He sounded like a desperate man trying to say “but he IS real isn’t he? Right?” Like he knew it’s bullshit but, clinging onto the fairytale of his fantasy he remains steadfast in what he made into his belief. Like that’ll convince me.

Flatbush vs. Chabad – My Observations

Went to a big Flatbush wedding recently. Lots of hockers, Hatzalah members and fully loaded Maximas. And of course lots of Flatbush sluts/future Hot Chanies. Funny how all the guys want to hook up with those girls, but yet call them sluts. What I noticed is how most of the people there seem to be more or less apathetic towards Judaism just keep up the pretenses just because.

And in many cases it isn’t just pretenses that they’re keeping up; many of those guys and girls actually do keep Shabbos and Kosher to some extent. And most of them will end up getting married before they hit 25 years of age continuing to raise another generation of apathetic Jews.

A friend of mine mentioned how he had spoken to his Dad, a prominent member of the orthodox community who would be considered “chilled” by many people. They were speaking about how he isn’t too religious anymore. He told his Dad “you don’t believe in half of this (religious) bullshit either! You’re a smart man!” His Dad responded “True, but still. And I also won’t let you use my car on Shabbos or the cellphone I pay for because it’s on my cheshbon”.

Hypocritical anyone? Or maybe the community has come to a point where everyone knows it’s all bullshit, or at least they have no interest in keeping it, yet it’s a cycle. Everyone keeps certain things, so they do to. It almost becomes fun, sort of a big brotherhood.

Yet somehow my Chabad friends, who keep less than the Flatbush crowd and dress not Yeshivish – are still living Judaism more. They feel very religious, mostly believe very strongly in it, and essentially are what religion should be – if there should be religion. Strange.