Hasid Craigslist Affair

A Hasidic guy tries to have an affair over craigslist. WTF? Here’s the post from Gothamist.

Your Sister-in-Law is Boosting the Porn Industry

This is in response to another blogger who claimed her sister going on a diet would ruin the economy. This is my response.

Dear Pegoleg,

You recently wrote a post explaining how if your sister goes on a diet, she’ll be ruining the economy. I think she’ll be ruining alot more than that. Here’s why:

You see, if your girls like sister doesn’t diet, she’ll remain fat. And then guys like myself, who like to go out and have a good time, will be less likely to do so this year because there won’t be any beautiful women for us. And that would make for a bunch of very grumpy men walking around.

Grumpy men who’d have no choice but to resort to porn. Now I understand those porn stars clearly had some major daddy issues, but if not for a bunch of men sitting and watching those girls getting nailed, girls with daddy issues would’ve been okay doing what girls with messed up daddys had to do for years…which in all likelyhood probably meant being a hooker, but that’s besides the point. At least they’d be fornicating in private without the latest in HD video capturing every moan. But no, we have to make sure that in our enlightened western society of 2010 we make sure that there will always be an audience waiting for that hot oh-so-skinny chic to be nailed in public. As long as the economy will be safe, because your sister sacrificed her looks for, all’s well.

But in truth it really won’t matter either way, because that fat girl’s self esteem will all but dissapear, and then she’ll either be desperate and get with someone fat and bald, or become anorexic and depressed, showing the same symptoms as the girl with daddy issues. And, well you know what will come next…

With much love,

Kissmeimshomer

People That Sleep With Dead People

I have a few things to vent about, hope noone minds.

I always see weird searches that people typed in. But today among the typical list of searches such as “hot chani”, “lubavitch off the derech”, and “brad pitt depression” (can’t believe that article is  still being read), was one that read “people that sleep with dead people”. Now what exactly have I written that even remotely relates to that morbid topic??

Ever go out with friends drinking, shopping, eating to the movies or whatever else you may be doing, and you’re short on cash? You’ll borrow say $2 for a can of soda, and promise to pay back. Either he’ll say nah bro don’t worry about it, or he’ll let you pay back. But what I don’t understand are the friends who, upon lending you a couple bucks, will ask you to buy them a drink as payment when out drinking next time. Take the following scenario:

You: Hey dude, you got an extra 2 bucks on you? I gotta buy a drink or I’m gonna fuckin faint!

Friend: Sure dude, here ya go!

You: Aaight thanks man, I’lll hit you up next time.

Friend: It’s cool bro

The next night:

You: Hey dude, wanna go out to that club tonight with some chics? Heard it’s gonna be sickkk.

Friend: Sure lets go!

At the club:

You (screaming over loud thumpy music): Yoo lets go get wasssted!!

Friend (screaming equally loud, trying to be heard over loud, thumpy music): Yea dude lets go!

You (to hot chic behind the bar): Heyy can I get a vodka with 3 limes?

Friend ( to bartender): Hey I’ll have one of those too

Bartender: Sure, that’ll be 11 dollars each.

Friend to you: Hey bro I got you the other day, so you got my drink aaight?

Why does a friend spotting you a measly $2 give him the right to assume I’m gonna pay $11 for his overpriced drink the next night, as if buying him a drink is an acceptable method of paying back any loan, no matter how small in comparison to the drink.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m no cheapskate (yea I know I’m Jewish) and would gladly buy the my friend a drink if he’s a bit tight on cash, he’s my friend after all! But it’s the idea that people assume that I’d be buying them a drink as payment. Why can’t I just take out my wallet like a normal person and hand him over the 2 bucks?

About hookers: Ever wonder how they fucked their first client? I don’t mean positions, just…how? How’d they go from being a normal person to a hooker?? But I guess like the song from Lazy Boy TV goes: “It takes alot of drunk daddies to get a girl to blow a goat on the internet”.

Lastly and most disturbingly, anyone wonder how the hell their grandparents are able to have sex? I mean she’s all old and wrinkly! And she’s my grandma! I’m usually not this sick, just this image made me wonder…

Scotch, Sex and Drinking

While I’m on the topic of the evils of drinking I figured I’d make a list of different scenarios in which different people have a drink…or two…or ten.

1. Yeshiva Guy Headline Whore:

Age: 10-19

Favorite Activity: smoking and talking about the time Yanky’s older brother beat up a goy. Oh, and he also likes to brag about how long it takes his Yeshiva to get through an amud gemara.

Drink of Choice: alcohol. Doesn’t matter what type, he barely knows a beer from a kettel one with 3 limes.

Time of Drinking: Purim and by his brother Yerucham’s siyum. He finished gantz seder nashim! (can’t blame him- must’ve gotten sick of cows goring fat pregnant chics, figured he’d get into some steamy girl stories. With Rabbi’s students getting off under their Rabbi’s bed watching him fuck his wife. Nasty. But I’ll parody the different gemara stuff another post.

Most likely to be wearing: The younger guys: Nike sneakers, dark dockers and a polo- maybe ralph Lauren, more likely Tommy or maybe even Hollister for the realll cool guys.

Older guys: white shirt, tzitzis, black pants and huge yarmulka. hat and jacket goes without saying. Or maybe not, if he’s a hocker.

Motive: Bragging rights. Heck, maybe he’ll get into the Yated for landing himself in the hospital.

2. Oiveid Hashem:

Age: 14-40

Favorite activity: The fact that your even asking vos ich hub leeb tzu tun, is mamesh a geferlecheh chillul hashem! The only thing vos a yeshiva man want, the most important zach i deh velt vus mir ken tun, iz tzu lernen der eibeshters heiligeh heligeh torah ayayayy…

Drink of Choice: wine or schnapps.

Time of Drinking: Purim is the only time a year that ah mentch is shayach to reach the kedusha oof Yom Kippur! And even better vibalt it’s durch simcha! Nichnas yayin yatzah soid! Ah! Moiiiiredig! Chayav inish livisoomay bipoorayah ad diloh yada! And the Mitzvah is only with wine…

Also noch davening shabbos morning at the kiddush, a shot or two of bourbon never hurt anyone…

Most likely to be wearing: wrinkled white shirt, black shiny dress pants and mismatched black jacket. Dusty used-to-be-black but turned grey brimmed down hat. Shoes scuffed and ugly.

Motive: Ah mentch darf nisht hubben ah ta’am far deenin der eibeshter.

3. Dude in Israel for Shana Alef or Bet:

Age:17-20

Favorite activity: Depending on which Yeshiva he went to (also for another post) either going to Zolly’s and getting blowjobs in the bathroom or fucking the shit out of the yeshivish looking sem girl in his dorm room. But they’ll always be sure not to get caught…might ruin the chics shidduch chances. Ha- that slut will be wearing short shorts and tank tops within 6 weeks of getting back from Israel.

Drink of Choice: Hooka. Oh, its not a drink? Well some pot in the hooka mixed with some vodka redbull ain’t too bad a deal.

Time of Drinking: best is straight out of bed, after you manage to push her off you and realize you have a pounding headache and no memories of how or when you ordered pizza. And why it’s moldy is another question, for another time. And best thing for a hangover as they say is more beer. Can’t hurt, that’ for sure. Usually warm beer from a half drunk can which probably was last touched by the lips of the girl you just climbed out from under. And shes also the cause of all that goddam itching. Good luck brotha!

Most likely to be wearing:

Option 1: Baggy khakhis, rumpled t-shirt, naots.

Option 2: Jeans, untucked american eagle shirt, naots.

Option 3: Black pants, used to be starched untucked white shirt and crocs, probably dark in color. Or maybe bright orange. Depends- on what? I dunno.

Motive: survival, buddy, survival.

4. Post Israel Barely Religious Dude

I like ti call these guys Frum But Not Religious. They don’t keep anything but still go places for shabbos and eat at mainly kosher establishments even tho they’ll be using their cell phones on shabbos and have bacon egg and cheese on the way to Atlantic City if they somehow missed stopping at Dunkin on 18th.

Age: 20-24

Favorite Activity: Titties. And don’t tell me that’s not an activity. Better than Christmas!

This guy drinks alot:

Time of drinking, drink of choice and motive: A. House party, flat beer from a keg and jack and coke, getting with the drunk slut. Read drunk slut in the plural form. As in when I talk  to 300 ppl at once and say “you”. And btw who the fuck said there has to be a motive??

B. Club, Vodka cranberry orange juice, getting with- well anything that moves and has boobs. Cuz most guys end up paying through the roof for those drinks, unless they have a hookup ( I know I do, many actually :p) so they must be desperate at that point. Like my friend said- fat chics are great for one thing- giving great blowjobs, well cuz they know how to eat!

C. Hooka bar: don’t get me started.

Most likely to be wearing: Fitted t or nice shirt. Jeans, brown pointy shoes with dragon designs on the front.

5. Post Party Day Ex Yeshiva Rebel:

Age: 25-30

Favorite Activity: Making money. Loads of money. And then some.

Time of Drinking: After work on random nights at high end hotel bars where they play soft music and in the movies some hooker always sits down and with the look of a shrewd business woman, softly whispers something in his ear while her hand…I’m getting carried away, dammit.

Drink of Choice: Scotch on the rocks. Something golden in a nice glass should do the trick.

Motive: so much stress can only be relieved one way…

Most likely to be wearing: Armani suit, shirt and dress shoes. And if he used to be satmar….he probably still has his bluetooth in…

Hasidim, Sex and Bad Religion

Reposted with permission from Tova’s blog, The Righteous Rasha entitled “Fear and Loathing: Bad Religion and Its Followers.”

Those who refuse to understand will make up reasons to hate and fear the unknown.

“Oh, it’s just a terrible situation,” Leah Schottenstein says over a cup of coffee to her friend, Sara Liebowitz. “My Yosef…He’s off the derech! He smokes cigarettes and reads Faulkner novels and dates shiksas.”

“Yes,” Mrs. Liebowitz nods with sadness. “But you need to understand something, Leah. This has nothing to do with HaKadosh Baruch Hu, nothing to do with Yiddishkeit. It has to do with you and your family.”

“That’s true,” agrees Mrs. Schottenstein. “But how do I reverse the negative experiences Yosef has had? How do I show him that Avraham and I will always be there for him so that one day he’ll be frum again?”

And so it goes. Never is Orthodoxy itself ever the culprit; it’s always ‘bad experiences’ or ‘abuse’ or ‘evil influences’. Because to the chareidi world, those who ‘go off’ can be nothing but irrational, emotional children.Why?

In many situations, fear/loathing brings humanity together. It serves as a bond, a commonality where suspicion of or disgust for the ‘other’ gives people something to worry about – together. It’s like schoolchildren who become friends over the fact that they hate the same foods: “Oh, you don’t like spinach, either? Neither do I!”

Unlike some forms of human distrust, though, the chareidi world’s suspicion of OTDers does not allow for ‘the opposition’ to have any rational thought. No moderator at FrumTeens or Hashkafa, no rabbi I’ve ever spoken to, no Bais Yaakov teacher, no kiruv ‘worker’ will do anything but insist that the formerly frum act out of reasons completely disconnected with Judaism itself. The reasons these people give for leaving Orthodoxy fall into a few categories:

1. Physical, emotional or sexual abuse at the hands of frum Jews;

2. ‘Broken’ Divorced families;

3. The desire to rebel and have a fun life, even if it’s morally lacking;

4. Emotional problems.

…How about TaNaCh itself, though, which promotes racism, sexism, slavery, genocide and rape? Does that not factor into a young man or woman’s decision to stop being frum? How about the fact that so many of today’s rabbis, when faced with difficult philosophical questions, brush off the questioner like an annoying insect?

These aren’t considered to be legitimate reasons; I truly think that there are people who would rather be ostriches than humans. They’d much prefer avoiding the reality that for OTDers, Judaism itself doesn’t work. As a result, they spend their time fretting over ‘kids at-risk’ and ‘fringe youth’ without actually understanding what the underlying causes are. They hold conferences, consult rabbanim, write letters into Jewish publications, bar their children from ‘bad’ influences.

And yet no one is asking the fundamental question: What about Orthodox Judaism is turning off today’s young adults? What about the religion is objectionable, irrational, hateful or unprovable?

But the blame is always placed on the kid himself or his family. It’s always a bad home environment, or molestation, or emotional problems. Regarding this, I have to ask: What sort of a faith can this be if all who leave it are treated like pariahs and not given a chance to speak for themselves? What sort of a faith can this be if those who stay within it insist that anyone who rebels cannot possibly be a rational thinker? What sort of a faith can this be if it can’t stand up to some criticism, some challenging?

Socrates said that the unexamined life is not worth living. Can’t the same be said of religion? And shouldn’t those who live a restrictive, sometimes oppressive life based on as-yet unprovable stories and miracles be the ones to defend their ’emotional reasons’ for doing what they do? It astounds me.

If chareidim can’t function in a debate, if they will insist that those who have left Yiddishkeit are all irrational without actually discussing the issue…then it is a bad religion.

Alternatively, one could use the term ‘cult’.

I’ve been trying to put that into words myself, but she kinda nailed it on the head. Too many of the people I speak to refuse to agree to disagree. They all think I’m completely irrational and even go so far as to assume I agree I’m being irrational yet just don’t admit it. And that’s just wrong. Perhaps its they who are being irrational and are following something which isn’t as perfect as they think.

This video is disturbing. Not in a graphic way, but in a…just watch it goddammit!

…..like I said, something is seriously wrong here!

Also check this out…

This story made for some interesting news.

yea I know this has really nothing to do with the topic…oh well.